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Trump’s Cabinet Filled With Alternative Brand Cereal

WASHINGTON, D.C.— There have been several reports recently about Trump’s cabinet and how it’s being filled. For whatever reason, everyone wants to know how Trump is filling his cabinet. HippoThoughts is the only news source with the scoop.

Trump has filled his cabinet with alternative brand cereal.  Otherwise referred to as no-name brand cereal. The fake brand cereal, if you will. A source close to Trump mentioned he doesn’t like to consider these as the fake brand cereal. Which is why he self-labeled them alternative cereals. Considering these are the cheap knock-offs, and not at all qualified to be real cereal, it is unclear at this time why Trump needs to purchase them instead of the brand-name cereal.

The HippoThoughts investigative team did some digging into specifically which alternative brand cereals are in Trump’s cabinet. They have compiled the following list:

1) Don’t Die Just Yet (cheap knock off of “Life Cereal”)

2) Golden Showers (imitation “Golden Grahams”)

3) Conservative Loops (faux “Fruit Loops)

4) A Real Man Makes His Own Luck Charms (substitute “Lucky Charms”)

So far these are the only alternative brand cereals the HippoThoughts investigators could find. However, the real news story here is that four large hippos managed to sneak past the Secret Service, break into the White House, slide past the staff, and catch a glimpse of what Trump’s been filling his cabinet with. Bravo! Another successful mission by the HippoThoughts Investigative team.

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