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Santa Takes Sick Day, Parents Forced To Actually Buy Gifts

hippoNORTH POLE — News broke Christmas 2016 when Santa Claus took a sick day. He was scheduled to leave the North Pole at 11:50pm December 24th. Around 1:00pm that day Mrs. Claus, who’s first name has not been found, noticed Santa felt a little warm. He also hadn’t gotten up from his chair in about 2 hours. Mrs. Claus, who’s first name has yet to be obtained, decided to take his temperature around 2:30pm. When she noticed he was burning up she tried to convince him to take this year off. However, Santa wouldn’t budge. He knew how important this year, of all years, was. These kids had to get their gifts, and more importantly, he had to get his free cookies.

As the day went on Mrs. Claus, who’s name first name has STILL not been found, noticed Santa getting sicker and sicker. She started to warn him of all the germs he will be spreading, and the kids he will be getting sick. “Think of the horror”, she added. Finally, he gave in and started to call in sick. He called parent after parent from each country and told them the news. To say they were pissed was an understatement. “You work one day a year and you decide to call in sick?!” one parent exclaimed. “How am I going to get at least 8 gifts for each of my kids by tomorrow morning, you really screwed me over you jolly bastard!” another yelled. Santa’s depression began to set in and he fell asleep by 9. Maybe next year Santa will take better care of himself as the holidays approach.


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