The “Official” Status To Protect Yourself From The Facebook Terms Of Service
INTERNET, INTERNET – By now you are familiar with the status heard round the world. It’s the copy and pasted novel a very informed Facebook friend (you don’t remember adding) will post at some point in their life. This was for sure, definitely, maybe originally posted by their most informed lawyer friend. They usually read something along the lines of “Someone told me to post this. Better safe than sorry.” and “violation of privacy can be punished by law (UCC 1-308-11 308-103 and the Rome Statute)” and refer to a bunch of laws that most certainly, for sure, definitely, maybe exist.
We want to be very clear; we here at HippoThoughts fully support these forms of protection.
But it’s not enough. Our retained team of HippoLawyers went over all the Facebook legalese, and to say they found some loopholes would be an understatement. Therefore, below you will find the OFFICIAL notice you will need to post to your status. This post, and only this post, will defend your constitutional rights to online privacy. You may prepend this statement with anything you like, as well as, any additional rights you would like protected.
My HippoLawyer friend told me to post this so better to be be safe than sorry.
On Tuesday, Facebook will automatically update its Terms of Service and legally they have no obligation to tell you. If you add this to your Facebook wall, or timeline, or anything else they change it to, anything you post to a public space is essentially copyrighted. I do not give Facebook, or any entities of Facebook, or any entities of faces or books, permission to use my pictures, messages, or my lace pajamas I only wear on Christmas Eve. The content posted to this profile is owned by this profile and this profile alone. This includes but is not limited to birthday wishes, satirical articles, annoying albums upon albums of mine or anyone else’s child, stupid articles in the form of slideshows etc… I also do not allow Mark Zuckerburg to draw fake mustaches on any of my pictures, or erase real mustaches from any of my pictures. Facebook also does not have the naming rights to any of my past, present, or future dogs or hampsters. (Read the terms. Its in there.) Again, this is the official status you need to post in order to protect yourself from the internet! Please copy, post, and share!
Who does Facebook think they are?! They may be able to steal a major feature from a company with a household name valued at $19 billion, but they most certainly can’t use our pictures without our permission. So remember to post this status, and be smart out there folks.