HippoThoughts

The only news source written entirely by Hippos


New Yorker Walks By Dying Cockroach, Does Nothing

NEW YORK, NY—About to reach his destination at a popular brunch restaurant that only serves dinner, Chester Nickelfront saw a dying cockroach on the street. Instead of screaming for help or performing CPR, Nickelfront just kept walking. HippoThoughts caught up with Nickelfront who gave the following statement:

“I was already 20 minutes late meeting my friends at this popular brunch place that only serves dinner. I figured someone else would walk by and do something. How was I supposed to know the cockroach would eventually die a slow death all alone.”

At first glance this seems like a classic case of the Bystander Effect; the social psychological phenomenon in which individuals are less likely to offer help to victims, like the cockroach, because they think someone else will. However, the HippoThoughts Investigation team dug a little deeper and found something interesting.

After interviewing friends of Nickelfront, it seems he has a habit of ignoring dying cockroaches he sees on the street. In fact, there have been at least 20 cases this month where Nickelfront has seen a dying cockroach and kept on walking. It seems Nickelfront is just a run-of-the-mill sociopath. A source close to Nickelfront claims they’ve even seen him spraying roaches with poison. Which also makes him a run-of-the-mill psychopath!

A source closer to Nickelfront than the last source claims he’s currently in hiding and won’t come out. Apparently he’s been receiving death threats from cockroaches and other pests alike.

 


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