HippoThoughts

The only news source written entirely by Hippos


New Buzzfeed Quiz Forces Man To Question Marriage

AMARILLO, TX—Breaking news in the home of Tommy Gilders this afternoon. You may remember Tommy from a previous story. A while back we reported that Tommy took a Buzzfeed quiz and started to question his age after incorrect results. The last we heard from him he had chopped off his leg to count the rings. At the end of the article we promised to check in on Tommy every three weeks to see how he was doing. Well, we forgot. However, yesterday we did checked in on Tommy and have a new report: Tommy has filed for divorce from his wife of 4 years after a Buzzfeed quiz titled, “Build a Burger and We’ll Tell You How Many Times You’ll Get Married” told him he will marry a total of 10 times.

Tommy and his wife Tammy first got together when they were only 13. He has previously described Tammy as “the absolute love of my life” and someone he will never separate from. Which makes the current news all the more shocking. While at the office, Tommy took the Buzzfeed quiz (once he was cleared by a psychiatrist to return to work) and was shocked by the results.

“Tammy is my life, I can’t imagine being married to anyone else. But I guess I have a lot of other marriages to get to. Tammy and I must end at once!”

Tommy went home immediately and told Tammy to pack her bags. He then created a Match.com profile and asked several woman if they would marry him. He got 30 no’s, 4 maybe’s, and 300 blocks. When we reached out to Tammy for comment she refused to speak to us. We will be sure to check in on Tommy Gilders every 3 weeks. If we remember.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Fine go. We're not mad or anything.

But the least you could do is subscribe to our newsletter before you leave. All the cool hippos are doing it.