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Despite Universal Understanding Man Kills The Messenger

CHICAGO, IL—On Friday January, 27th, confusion swept through the city of Chicago when someone decided to kill the messenger; despite universal understanding not to. It’s been reported that friends Fred and Benjamin were hanging out at Fred’s apartment when they both had a “hankering” for some tacos. Fred suggested making a Taco Bell run since that is their favorite place to eat tacos. This is when Benjamin reportedly told Fred that the closest Taco Bell was temporarily shut down due to renovations. Fred became enraged with this news as he really wanted some tacos from Taco Bell. He started throwing random objects at Benjamin: a blender, some encyclopedias, and even an old broom that had been in the closet unused since Fred first moved in. Benjamin tried to get Fred to calm down by saying the following:

“Hey man, don’t kill the messenger!”

Fred ignored this request, grabbed a pair of Eeyore slippers, and beat Benjamin till he perished. When cops arrived at the scene they questioned Fred at length. They asked if Benjamin instructed Fred not to kill the messenger, but Fred lied and said he didn’t. After much deliberation, the cops decided to arrest Fred. Because even if he didn’t hear it, there is a universal understanding not to kill the messenger.

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