HippoThoughts

The only news source written entirely by Hippos


How To Meet The Co-Worker You’ve Been Making Eye Contact With

How To Meet The Co-Worker You’ve Been Making Eye Contact With

Tips: 1) Leave a bouquet of water coolers on their desk to remind them of the time you made eye contact by the water cooler. They’ll know it’s from you and have to come over and say thank you. 2) If you haven’t figured out their name yet, secretly murder their desk-mate and set them…

Woman Understands Point Before Boss Is Finished Explaining

Woman Understands Point Before Boss Is Finished Explaining

BOULDER, CO—Continuing to nod politely, local employee Sarah Nash told her boss she completely understood his point. But that didn’t stop him from continuing to explain it. Nash went on to say that after she told her boss she understood his point he replied with, “You see, Sarah, our products will never be best in…

New Study Finds 76% Of Co-Workers Take Back Apologies In Their Head

UNITED STATES—A new study done at the very prestigious Pickled State University found that 76% of your co-workers took back their apology to you in their head. The University which is in Morgantown, West Virginia, is in a constant state of being pickled. Nonetheless, they are always conducting new studies that definitely yield results. Their…

Untouched Mini Muffins Become Main Focus Of Meeting

STAMFORD, CT—During the weekly status meeting at the Stamford branch of a company that sells bottled chicken, everyone’s focus shifted from quarterly sales to an untouched basket of mini muffins. Chicken Bottles™ has been in business for almost 1/8th of a year and has a branch in Stamford, Connecticut. They are also headquartered in Stamford and don’t…

Angry Email Gets Lovely Out Of Office Response

BALTIMORE, MD—Finally bringing himself to do it, office worker Todd Kramer pat himself on the back for standing up to his “stupid jerk face” boss. “I’ve been working under this guy for 4 years and finally had enough of his sh*t” says Kramer. The last straw came when Kramer’s boss sent him an email that said, “Adequate…

Non-Sports Fan Always Forced To Ask If Co-Worker “Caught The Game Last Night”

STAMFORD, CT—Gary Bricks of Stamford Ct, works at a small gas scheduling company by day. By night he doesn’t work there, as his office only requires a 9-5 work schedule. Small talk is not Gary’s strong suit. (He thinks it should be called tiny talk and is in motion to start a social media platform named as…

Man Becomes Co-worker Who Cried High Priority Email

TULSA, OK—Gary Ruffles, 35, is slowly becoming known as “The Co-worker Who Cried High Priority Email” at the small marketing firm in which he works. “Listen, all 25+ co-workers at the firm know and like Gary. So why does he insist on pissing us off by sending every email as “high priority”. We don’t want to…

Woman Gets Herself Into Game Of Pooping Chicken In Work Bathroom

PROVIDENCE, RI—Linda Landerson recently got herself into a small pickle at work. Or a big pickle, depending on what she ate that day. She works in an alumni office for the local university and faces the daily problem of having to poop at work. Every Monday and Friday at 3:36pm Linda goes to the bathroom to…

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