HippoThoughts

The only news source written entirely by Hippos


UPDATE: Buzzfeed Quiz Making Man Question Career Now

UPDATE: Buzzfeed Quiz Making Man Question Career Now

AMARILLO, TX—It has recently come to the attention of HippoThoughts that there have been several updates in the home of Tommy Gilders. Last we heard from Tommy he had left his wife, Tammy, and created a Match.com profile. The last Buzzfeed quiz Tommy took told him he would marry a total of 10 times. In…

Dad Proudly Teaches Son How To Efficiently Pour Ketchup From Glass Bottle

Dad Proudly Teaches Son How To Efficiently Pour Ketchup From Glass Bottle

MILWAUKEE, WI—A Milwaukee man had his proudest moment as a father this past weekend while at a restaurant called Joe’s Meat and Spaghetti. Tim Holbrook, 47, and his family were seen dining at the restaurant on Saturday night. Reports indicate that Holbrook’s son, Timmy Holbrook, 17, was struggling with the ketchup bottle, most likely for his Burger. One witness claims…

Woman Sees Stranger’s Son Misbehave Confirms Future Child Will Never Act Like That

NEW YORK, NY—While walking back to her apartment on the upper east side, Melissa Kraft, 26, (no relation to Kraft Singles) saw a young boy misbehaving. The boy’s mother was trying to get him to calm down and continue walking through the crosswalk. Kraft (no relation to Kraft Singles) walked through the cross walk and…

Gargling Warm Water And Salt Will Take Care Of That Broken Leg Says School Nurse

CRANSTON, RI—A Cranston school nurse, Rita Ficarelli, has reported that simply gargling some warm water and salt will take care of that broken leg. Furthermore, Ficarelli claims that gargling some warm water and salt will take care of just about anything. She reports that students come into her office all day complaining of problems and no matter what they…

New Buzzfeed Quiz Forces Man To Question Marriage

AMARILLO, TX—Breaking news in the home of Tommy Gilders this afternoon. You may remember Tommy from a previous story. A while back we reported that Tommy took a Buzzfeed quiz and started to question his age after incorrect results. The last we heard from him he had chopped off his leg to count the rings. At the end…

Dad Comes Out As Someone Who Pees Sitting Down

GOSHEN, NY—On Wednesday, January 11th, a local Dad decided to finally come out to his family as someone who pees sitting down. The decision came after the local Dad realized he was just so tired of hiding who he was. It all started one night at the dinner table. His family got into a conversation about…

Santa Takes Sick Day, Parents Forced To Actually Buy Gifts

NORTH POLE — News broke Christmas 2016 when Santa Claus took a sick day. He was scheduled to leave the North Pole at 11:50pm December 24th. Around 1:00pm that day Mrs. Claus, who’s first name has not been found, noticed Santa felt a little warm. He also hadn’t gotten up from his chair in about…

Family Dog Relieved To Know Intruders Actually Welcomed Guests

CHERRY HILL, NJ—As person after person shuffled into the home of Buster, 6, for Thanksgiving dinner he became increasingly paranoid. Who were all these people? What did they want with his family? They seemed to bring weapons that they strategically sealed in casserole dishes. Buster knew he needed to protect his family at all costs, but he…

Man Questions Age After BuzzFeed Quiz Yields Incorrect Results

AMARILLO, TX—Tommy Gilders, 27, is a 27 year old man. All his life he knew on March 5th, 2016, he would turn 27. There was never any reason for Gilders to question his age. However, he recently took an online BuzzFeed quiz titled, “We can guess your age based on your preferences in cheese!” Some of the…

Mom Feels Young Again After Texting “lol” For First Time

FARGO, ND—Joan Wilders, mother of three, is what most would describe as “a cool mom”. She often tries her best efforts to relate to her kids and gain access to their social gatherings. However, considering her kids don’t allow her to their social gatherings, she spends most of her Friday nights googling ways to gain…

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