HippoThoughts

The only news source written entirely by Hippos


Woman Buys Third Bra For Some Reason

Woman Buys Third Bra For Some Reason

ST. CLOUD, MN — Pondering over the bra section in a local Gap Body, St. Cloud resident Marlee Olson was getting ready to buy a third bra, for some reason. It’s been reported that Olson already has two bras at home that work perfectly fine. Which means after Olson buys this bra, for some reason,…

New Yorker Walks By Dying Cockroach, Does Nothing

New Yorker Walks By Dying Cockroach, Does Nothing

NEW YORK, NY—About to reach his destination at a popular brunch restaurant that only serves dinner, Chester Nickelfront saw a dying cockroach on the street. Instead of screaming for help or performing CPR, Nickelfront just kept walking. HippoThoughts caught up with Nickelfront who gave the following statement: “I was already 20 minutes late meeting my…

Breaking: Mouse In Wall Now Calling The Shots

PHILADELPHIA, PA—It’s been reported that as of one hour ago a mouse has taken Philadelphia locals, Abi and Grant, hostage in their center city apartment. The mouse’s presence was first discovered in their bedroom, scurrying throughout the walls. HippoThoughts has not been able to make contact with Abi and Grant at this time as they are barricaded…

Rest Of Group Abandons Friend Who Stopped To Tie Shoe

AUSTIN, TX—After innocently stopping to tie his shoe in downtown Austin, Phil Loomis, 25, noticed the group of friends he was walking with had just completely left him there. He reports one minute they were there, the next they were gone. “One minute they were there, the next they were gone,” said Loomis. Sources say…

Despite Universal Understanding Man Kills The Messenger

CHICAGO, IL—On Friday January, 27th, confusion swept through the city of Chicago when someone decided to kill the messenger; despite universal understanding not to. It’s been reported that friends Fred and Benjamin were hanging out at Fred’s apartment when they both had a “hankering” for some tacos. Fred suggested making a Taco Bell run since that is their…

Investigation Continues After Mom Notices Ornament Missing From Tree

GREENWICH, CT—The case of the missing ornament continues as Martha Walters is not willing to let it go. Mrs. Walters first noticed the vandalization after she came down for her morning baked potato. Now, four days in, Mrs. Walters has yet to identify the culprit. Therefore, the HippoThoughts Investigation Team has decided to help her out. We’ve identified all…

Man Finishes Popcorn Before Movie Starts

BOSTON, MA—Brad Bartleby decided to attend a 7:15 showing of “The Girl on the Train” all by himself one cold fall evening. He got a medium popcorn and a seat close to the back. This was to not draw too much attention to himself while the anxiety about going to the movies alone, settled in. Brad…

Lady Bug Breaks Into Fifth Home This Week

SARANAC LAKE, NY—Around 9:03pm EST, on September 26th, a lady bug broke into the home of Mr. and Mrs. Buns. The Buns couple were sitting in their living room watching some sort of political debate when they heard a noise. Mr. Buns went to the house safe to get his shotgun when the noises grew louder….

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