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Angelina Jolie No Longer Farting in Front of Brad Pitt

LOS ANGELES, CA—News broke on September 20th that Angelina Jolie has decided to no longer fart in front of Brad Pitt. After farting in front of him for 12 years, she gave us the scoop:

Angelina would rather fart in front of someone else, or better yet, only fart in front of herself.

You heard it here first, folks. This is the biggest farting scandal we’ve seen in Hollywood in quite some time. Sure, Taylor Swift recently made headlines when she decided she would rather fart in front of Tom Hiddleston than Calvin Harris, and then decided that Tom wasn’t a great audience either…confusing.

But this, dare I say, is bigger.

Angelina and Brad have not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5, but 6 kids together! But that’s not all! Angelina is demanding full farting time in front of her kids! Saying Brad can only have visits to fart in front of them. Can you believe that? His own kids! And he has to visit them, to fart in front of them. Crazy.

Rumors are also circulating that the decision from Jolie came from Brad’s desire to fart in front of other actresses. But we can’t confirm nor deny such claims. Of course it’s not hard to believe since once upon a time Brad chose to fart in front of Jolie instead of his then-wife, Jennifer Aniston. Which we are all still pretty pissed off about. Jennifer Aniston seems like a great person to fart in front of. But she must know by now her farts are too good for him anyway. As are most women’s farts.

These crazy hollywood stars, can’t just fart in front of one person.

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